Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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