I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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