Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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