did you get engaged???
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
