Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
