New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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