So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
