i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
