Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
