Having a random hookup so left but love u
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize