We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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