Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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