apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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