some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
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