They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
