susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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