i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
