How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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