i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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