Plan B is the new Plan A
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
