He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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