...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
