walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
