There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
