Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
