I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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