I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
