last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
