Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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