is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
