when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
