I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
