...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
