You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
