U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
