No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
