Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
