she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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