from now on my penis is your penis
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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