I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
