I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
