how can u be prego again
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well I just put wine in my tea
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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