i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
