Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
