He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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