I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
