I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Swine flu. Run for my life!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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