I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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