Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
