I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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