she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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