Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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