Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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