She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We need a shit load of segways right now
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
