so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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