I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
