I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize