those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
