I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So here I am, sexting at work.
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