And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
