no, he came in my armpit
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize