I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
