i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
