We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
honey bunches of taint.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
