dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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