And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
