I accidentally burped into my bong.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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