I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
