Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
