She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
