she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
