how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize