We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
