once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
