Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
